optimism
I know that I’ve heard myself say this before, but there are times when I have difficulty having faith in even maxims that I have the most faith in. Your attitude is really your own responsibility, and it’s your choice. But there are numerous times when I’ve felt like I just don’t have a choice. You know, those days when you just want to pull the covers over your head and go back to sleep, willing the world to go to a day when you actually feel like doing something.
It’s funny, because just a couple nights ago, I spent hours working with a good friend of mine, well into the early hours of the morning, working the kinks out of this new series. The more and more that we discuss and refine, the better it’s getting, and I think we’re finally starting to see the clear vision of what this story is going to be about, and what it’s going to accomplish. I was ready and raring to write the newest draft of the pilot, and I had the stories and shots so clear in my mind that I didn’t think anything was going to deter me.
And then, I woke up the next day to my alarm.
Worries started to plague me a little. Work concerns and problems seemed a little overwhelming. So instead of actually cracking on the script, I sought a chance to “decompress” by finally figuring out my PS3 online troubles and getting my first taste of Killzone 2 multiplayer. Instantly, it seemed, the entire night disappeared. I don’t exactly regret it, though as I’m sitting here writing this, I realize that I could have spent the time a little more, hell, a LOT more productively.
But today is a new day, and there’s a weekend on the horizon. I plan to take full advantage, and put some time into what I should have been doing. There’s no reason for me to feel depressed, and I choose to be optimistic. Even though I just can’t seem to shake this feeling of “bleh”, I guess I’ll just start doing something, anything, and I’ll let that feeling dry up on its own.
So, with the winds of change blowing into my back, time to go to work.
- BK
moving on to reality
Reality is so much tougher than the world of imagination. In reality, there’s real consequences for the things that you do. You can’t just do whatever you like, and expect the world to just hand you everything you want on a silver platter. Or even on a wooden plate. In fact, you’d be lucky if, when you asked nicely, they actually were to give you a nice paper bag. Instead, reality is a tough, uncompromising world where you must struggle for what you get, and it can be taken away from you in an instant, and the bad guys that you face aren’t as easily taken down like in the movies.
For the past eight years, I’ve written in an online forum with a number of excellent writers who I’ve seen some amazing things from. They’ve written characters with heart, plots with intrigue and power, and situations that, no matter how fantastic they were, had a core of truth to them so bright that they refused to be overshadowed by all the mixes of personalities that we threw at them. They became friends of mine, and through their written word, we were able to see portions of each others’ personas that otherwise might never had seen the light of day.
But now, after all this, it appears that reality is pulling us away. This world that we have created, unfortunately, is still just fiction. It’s an illusion. In the end, it is just a body of work representing countless hours and thousands upon thousands of words, composing a mystical symphony that echoes through the halls of the soul with an undeniable power.
As such, it’s understandable why I’m having a hard time moving on. After placing my heart and soul, my thoughts and feelings into something like this, it’s not an easy task to simply move on and walk away from it all. I’m having a hard time leaving it be, consistently looking over my shoulder, hoping that someone will stop me and pull me back. But instead, all I seem to hear is deafening silence.
But that time does not have to be lost. I have learned lessons all throughout the years, and it would be a waste to let them all go. Instead, I will take what I have learned and apply it to my new ambitions. I can continue to write, and continue to create. That’s why I started working in film in the first place. So, it’s time to move on to reality. But now that the world that I’m creating is going to be visited by more than just a few of us writers, reality better be ready.
Because I’m coming, baby.
- Karratti
busy work
I really like to be excited about working. When I have some passion behind a project, it helps me to focus, my thoughts seem to all fall in line effortlessly, and creativity starts flowing like the Nile. Good, worthwhile, hard work is such a powerful high that it makes most other things pale in comparison, at least to me. Even when I’m competing, I love to have work involved. Perhaps that’s why I enjoy sports like football and hockey, where you really have a chance to throw your weight around, but you still have to think.
There are times, though, when work doesn’t feel that way. Busy work is one of those things. When I feel I have the talents to do something great, were I given the chance, it’s a little discouraging when people don’t feel like giving me that chance. Instead of offering me an assignment where I can flex my creative muscles, I’m handed a series of five-pound hand-weights one by one. Is it any wonder that there’s no increase in growth or skill?
I guess I’ve just determined that it’s better for me just to do the meaningless with quality and quickness, so that I can make time for my own projects, which seem to require more than what some newbie pencil jockey could accomplish. If I want my work to shine, then it’s going to have to be my work, and I don’t have the time to wait for someone else to give me a chance at it.
- Karratti
relaxation and other whimsical dreams
I’m half Hawaiian, on my Dad’s side. Yeah, it might not show on my impressively dark skin tone, but a good number of other features remain. The impressively massive build, the serious, no-nonsense personality, and the surfing skills… All the things that I don’t got. But there are some basic Polynesian traits that I think I’m stuck with no matter what. I like to have a good time. I like to laugh – a lot. I really like food. And I like taking some time to relax, especially when I don’t have anything to worry about.
And so, with that end goal in mind, I chose to pursue a career in filmmaking.
Now, for those of you not “in-the-know” when it comes to this kind of career, let me just explain that film, depending on how involved you are, can be one of the most time-consuming, energy-consuming, mind-consuming, and soul-consuming industries on the planet. If you don’t eat, sleep, breathe and sweat film, then this isn’t your industry, and people are going to know it really quick.
The past couple of weeks have been pretty busy for me, with holding auditions, a 48-Hour film festival, a sports team commercial, prepping for a commercial next week, and constantly thinking about this new series that I’m hoping is going to be a smash hit. When I finally get a few moments to sit and think, I often find myself wondering about what happened to make things so busy for me.
I often sit back and wish for my lazy days where I could leave on a trip at a moment’s notice to anywhere, or have days where nothing would happen. I’m sure that time will come again, but right now my life is a little hectic. I’m looking for some time to crash, and I’m afraid it’s going to be into a wall.
But, I won’t worry. I’ll keep getting up every day, and I’ll keep pushing myself harder. You know, until I have a heart-attack and die.
But if I die with a smile on my face, is that still a happy ending?
- Karratti
creation
While I’m not exactly new to the idea of blogging, and I plan to have a wide amount of variety when it comes to the content of this site, it should be admitted that this is primarily a tool for letting my thoughts be known. I don’t mind sharing my ideas with others, and in fact, that’s a big part of what I do. The waves and tides of the imagination are a powerful rush of emotion and power that are rarely felt in the realms of the real world. And so, instead, we must do our best to approximate that power with the tools we have available.
You see, I like to create.
I like to build, alter, and edit. I enjoy using my skills and tools to shape the world around me into one that I want it to be. It’s a key part of my being. For some reason, I just can’t leave well-enough as just well-enough. I want to see as close to perfection as possible. And for me, that perfection is always changing, so it’s extremely difficult to hit the mark. But that’s alright. That’s what tomorrow is for.
Welcome to my world.
- Karratti
