learning to join the dance

There was a time in my life when I loved to dance. I actually enjoyed moving to the rhythm, going crazy, and not caring what anyone else thought. For me, it was one of the strangest phenomenon – The ability to act like a complete and utter nutcase, jumping, jiving, leaping and writhing to the music, regardless of skill or finesse. And to top it off, it was perfectly acceptable. It was all about having a good time, and I went to dances often, and often I would show myself to be quite the “dancing fool.”

That seemed to change a few years ago.

I like to think that I’ve started to “grow up”, but if I’m truly honest with myself, I know that that’s not the case. Instead, I believe that it has something to do with self-imposed shyness and fear in the wake of troubling times. I feel like, in the time that it’s taken me to get over certain relationship troubles in my past, I’ve shunned such activities, putting them to the side for fear of conjuring up old memories.

But even as I type that out, I can see the illogical stupidity of it. Why should I allow some old thoughts stop me from doing something that I used to enjoy? Why should someone else have the control over who I am, and what I do?

It’s a mental battle, one that I have with myself every time I see the opportunity to dance. It happened to me just the other night. Friends and others were up dancing around to some crazy music video, and there I was, just standing to the side. I couldn’t compel myself to get out on the dance floor, even though just about every other person in the room was out there.

I’ve got to make the effort, but I think I still need to gain the motivation. It’s not about doing it right, I guess, it’s just about doing it at all. I can’t just wait for the music to come to me, but instead, I need to forget the fact that I don’t know all the steps.

I just need to join the dance.

- K