Back in 2010, I became a founding member of the Talon Strike Force, a then FPS gaming clan built around the game MAG, which I’ve talked about several times (and continue to use as a base point for most online games in general). Just prior to this, I had been in a clan called Raven’s Eye, under the tag “EYE,” and had had some genuinely good times with them. What surprised me was when the leader, KrusaderX, decided that he’d had enough of it all and didn’t wish to lead the clan any longer, but instead of transferring leadership to another, decided to disband the clan completely in order to preserve the “name” of the clan.
At the time, I was quite annoyed, but at the same time I wasn’t all that worried. Though many of these people had been my friends and virtual brothers in arms, I’ve always had a knack for adaptability, and was sure that something would come along. As such, when RocketRob99 contacted me about forming another clan, I completely supported him, and so became the first “Talon,” though the name had not quite yet been decided on. Soon after, we were joined by another former EYE, DeathloksRevenge, and the three of us put together the Talon Strike Force, under the tag “TLN.”
A lot has happened over the years since then. For quite some time, I was very involved with the clan, and knew almost everyone in the game by name and voice. I could hand-pick a squad of players with whom I knew we could defeat anything in our path. And I think that that is what contributed most to my later problems. I started to get a little too cocky, a little too big-headed. My pride grew too much, and I began to see many in the clan as “beneath me,” which is just a terrible attitude to have.
Eventually this culminated in a split, as I foolishly followed my pride away from the clan, abandoning the team that I’d spent so much time building up. As the weeks passed, and the group that left the Talons eventually sputtered to a halt, I realized how stupid this all was. I realized how a clan is less about “skill,” and more about camaraderie. You play games with others because you enjoy their company, you can laugh and have a good time, and you know that, win or lose, you’ve got some pals to prop you up.
In those months between, as I got busy with “real-life” and other things, I realized that I had really screwed up. I’d betrayed the people who had looked up to me, and I’d left my friends behind in pursuit of some arbitrary “glory” that I’d come to realize was never there to be obtained in the first place.
I took the time to type out a letter of apology, mostly to Rob, describing my feelings as well as my personal regret. Though he was more than willing to let me back into the fold, I’ve come to realize that things have changed a little bit.
The saying “you can’t go home again” has a universal context. The fact is, once you leave a place behind, even returning to it never quite feels the same. Something is always just a little off. Friends have had experiences and relationships have changed while you were away. While they may still respect you for some things, in other ways you’ve become the visitor, and no longer one of the tenants. This happened to me when I left Talon, it happened to me when I moved up to Orem, and then when I moved back to St. George, and again now that I’ve moved to Salt Lake. Returning back to my old friends, my old haunts, and even my old high school… It never feels the same, and I don’t think it should.
Life is about progression. It’s about moving forward, no matter how slowly you have to go. You can look back fondly on the things behind you, (or look back with a tinge of regret), but the fact is that you’re here now. It’s now now, not then. You’ve got to take stock of who you are, what you’ve got, and what you can do with it. There’s no sense in constantly longing for those things that you can’t possibly get back, but instead you can spend your time forging new strides, and building new relationships.
As far as Talon is concerned, I’m slowly getting back into the mix. I picked up Battlefield 3 a couple of months back, and have slowly been building up my skills again, utilizing the thousands of hours that I’ve played over the years. I’ve been getting myself back involved with the clan again, and things have been going well.
Now, before you think that this is all a sad tale of loneliness and heartbreak, understand that it’s not. I’ve actually been legitimately busy over the past nine months, and the fact is, this summer is the first time that I’ve had some extra hours to actually play a few games for a legitimate amount of time. It’s an odd experience, almost from another era in my life, which is perhaps why these feelings of nostalgia seem so potent at the moment.
But the thing is, there’s life lessons to be learned in any endeavor. There’s things to take away from every situation that you find yourself in, and the fact is, no matter what social circles you navigate, you’re always going to run into the same dramas, the same highs and lows, dressed up with slightly different shades. If you can take the time to learn from each one, and use that knowledge to help better resolve problems in the future, well… That’s all anyone can really ask for, isn’t it?
Alright, that’s enough long-winded soapboxing for me. I’m off to Taco Bell, to have me a burrito.
