Inflation and Deflation
I’d like to say that I’ve finally overcome the biggest hurdles, but my heart tells me otherwise. Instead, I find myself wondering if I’ve only just started the first couple of steps. And then, I go on to worry a little because these first couple of steps have been an absolute and complete pain in the ass. <grin>
About three weeks ago, I left St. George and headed up for Salt Lake City, hoping to get a head-start on looking for housing and work to support myself through grad school. As with any new opportunity, my thoughts were optimistic. I figured, “Hey, I’m a skilled and fairly smart guy. I’ve got a Bachelor’s degree with a 3.6 GPA, and I’ve got a wide range of skills. It shouldn’t be too hard to nail down a part-time job.”
And then I got here.
Apparently, there are no jobs at all in Salt Lake City. Or, (and this is a little more unnerving), maybe I’m just not qualified for them. You know, because I spent four years in school, I’ve become the well-rounded and studious adult that the system wanted me to be, but apparently that’s not enough time and effort to get a part-time job serving tables at Old Spaghetti Factory. I’m just not sure what the deal is. No matter where I look, it seems like the opportunities are just consistently out of reach, and I really am unsure of what’s going to happen over the next few weeks.
Is a Bachelor’s Degree just not enough anymore? Is it now so common that even food service is looking to get all picky about it? Am I going to need a Doctorate’s to work at McDonald’s in the coming years?
I just moved into a new apartment up in Salt Lake, and now I’m out of money and out of time, because school starts on the 22nd. Then I get to juggle a school workload with trying to find some kind of job, when I could have had something in the first place. Things are just looking dark, and it seems no matter where I look, there isn’t much light coming from anywhere.
Throughout my life, I’ve always been one to deny that things happen for a reason. At least in the past, things have always worked out in the end, and I guess I’ve just kind of learned to expect them to. I’m usually not one to panic (too much), because usually I’m able to find a way to make things work. Usually there’s some kind of path that I’m supposed to be on. But right now, it just feels like there’s not much. Frustration is intermingling with desperation, and the world is looking a little too grim for my taste.
The most frustrating part of it all, though, is that opportunities keep coming up yet they’re always just out of reach. I’ll get a call from a company, have a (to me) really good interview, they’re all smiles and assurances, and then I get no call. No job offer. Instead I just get to sit and wait. If these people aren’t going to hire me, then why don’t they just say so? Why don’t they just tell me? I can take rejection, but it’s the anticipation, the build up, the hope, and then the nosedive that really bothers me.
But, I guess I’ve ranted for long enough.
Tomorrow is Grad School Orientation, which means I’ll be spending the day at the U figuring out what this whole program is all about. I’m looking forward to a day of putting my pressing concerns on hold, and just hanging out a little. I hope that all this is worth it in the end, and that all of this will eventually lead me to a future of not chasing job leads every day.
I know that this is a little too much rambling, and a whole lot of “not-really-anything-constructive,” but I just needed a chance to blow out some steam. I left my heavy bag down south, so pounding away at a keyboard is about the only way I’ve got to get some stress out of my system.
Here’s hoping for a brighter tomorrow, and to pushing through your trials in the pursuit of your dreams.
- K
Respect IS Worth Fighting For
Let me say that my comments this week aren’t necessarily going to be ones that I haven’t already shared before. In fact, they are definitely ones that I’ve had before, but I find them important enough that I’d like to go over them again just because of a recent “occurrence” that’s kind of driven them home to me.
Sarcasm and teasing are part of any game. You taunt a little, you get into the other players’ heads, and you make them react to you differently than they would react to any other players. You make yourself a threat on the field, and suddenly you’ve got some control of the other team’s focus. Sometimes that’s by making yourself look more important on the field than anyone else, or sometimes it’s by just being in the way as often as possible. Mind games are a part of any competition.
I can take jibes and jabs, and I dish them out just as easily. But there is definitely a point where things get a little out of hand. Competition creates frustration that can easily spill into heated problems if you let them. And there is definitely a time when a loud-mouthed punk starts to grind on you.
Disrespect. It always comes down to disrespect. When you start to disrespect your opponent, that carries it too far for me. I’ll admit that I’ve often fallen on the wrong side of that coin. Winning tends to make you feel that you’re more superior, and even better than the people that you’re playing against.
But once you lose that sense of respect… Things all start going downhill.
I don’t tolerate disrespect. Not to me, not to my family, and not to my friends. It’s a moral standard that I’ve tried to hold up for as long as I can, and it’s one that even some of my closest friends have a hard time keeping track of. I never say anything to my friends in an effort to disrespect them. When it comes to those closest to me, I am fiercely loyal, some may even say “blindly” so.
But perfect strangers… I always try to remain respectful at the first. On a blank slate, I try to look for the positive outcome. I expect to respect, and to be respected. But that’s not always the case. Some people just have no respect for others, and it shines through only far too easily.
When a person disrespects me, that’s when the gloves come off. That’s when I get angry, and boy, people don’t like me much when I’m angry.
But I have to wonder to myself… Is that such a bad thing? To fight for respect, either for yourself or those you care about? Is that wrong?
Entire wars have been fought over respect. The war for America’s independence was fought, not just for freedom, but fought so that the world would respect our right to freedom. America was ridiculed, put down, until finally we got tired of it and fought back in a war that we had no right to win.
Sometimes, I think that getting angry about disrespect is the absolute correct response. Of course, violence doesn’t always solve everything, but I personally believe that there are some times when it is completely justified. Sometimes, a person just needs that one person to stand up to them and say “No.”
In a permissive world that we live in today, it’s rare to see people stand up to bullies outside of fiction. Why do we simply fall prey to the whims of those whose voices are the loudest, and whose whining is the most annoying?
I refuse. I refuse to be intimidated by stupidity, and I refuse to let jerks tell me what to do just because they think they deserve it.
If it comes down to a fight, so be it. That will work for me just fine. Because respect… That’s something that I think is worth fighting for.
Simple-Minded Gamers
Originally, I had thought about calling this “Gamers are Stupid,” but that is blatantly unfair to the numerous gamers who I know, from experience, are rather interesting, educated, and knowledgeable individuals. Instead, I thought “Most Gamers Are Stupid” had a little more truth to it, but it just didn’t have that same ring to it. So, I decided I might as well go with the comparatively more politically-correct phrase of “simple-minded,” so that I could get my point across without offending everyone who read the title. Instead, I’ll have them read the first paragraph, and then get offended.
Gamers are stupid.
So, the British Academy of Film and Television Awards just awarded their list of the best games of the year for 2010. While it’s awesome to me that at least some official body of artists and entertainers have recognized that games are not a form of media that is below them, there is a certain result that really bothered me.
At the end of the list was the BAFTA’s “Game Award 2010,” which was the top-voted game of 2010. Up in the nominations were Red Dead Redemption, Mass Effect 2, Heavy Rain, and others. The top-voted game of 2010?
Call of Duty: Black Ops.
Now, I’m no stranger to the draw of this game. I’ve played every single Call of Duty game ever made. I’ve played more hours of Modern Warfare than I might care to admit. However, I vehemently disagree with this result. Not because it isn’t a good game. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t have been placed on this list. Instead, my problem is that it’s not the best game of this year, and yet it’s the game that the public wants.
It’s interesting, because there seems to be two very distinct camps in the gamer demographic. There are those of us who follow games, are very discerning, and are constantly looking for something new and innovative to come along and engage our curiosities so that we can lose ourselves in an entirely new world that we’ve never been to before… And then there are the players who are perfectly content to be shoveled the exact same experience over and over again year after year.
Does this say something about the coming generations? Despite what the, dare I say, “educated” gamer is looking for, the only real vote comes from the almighty dollar. If the masses want cheeseburgers every night, then that is what they shall receive, no matter what other culinary creations that innovative developers may wish to create.
This worries me. In an age where our technology allows us to create just about any idea that our minds can imagine, the most popular games are those that hardly innovate at all, still relying on ideas that were created five years ago with naught but superficial changes. So much more could be done, and yet it seems that these masses of gamers are satisfied with just the bare minimum. That cheeseburger has been repackaged in a shiny new wrapper, and they’re willing to pay even more to wolf it right down.
It’s just too bad. Oh well. I guess I’ll have to resign myself to the realization that in the coming years, all we’re going to see on the shelf is Call of Duty: Same Old Stuff, and Madden 2020: We’ve Added Even More Tackle Animations.
And the stupid gamers will keep buying it anyway.
Uncharted Movie – Thick-Skulled Filmmakers
Okay, so here’s a situation. You have a gaming franchise that has garnered extensive praise and an unsurprisingly large amount of money for it’s developers. With two excellent games in, and a highly-anticipated sequel on the way, this is what’s known in the entertainment industry as a “hot property.”
You’ve got action, story, suspense, romance, more action, betrayal, intrigue, a lot more action, shooting, jumping, running, explosions and a little more action thrown in for good measure. Mix that in with unforgettable characters, outstanding visuals and some of the greatest interactive settings that have been achieved in gaming, and it’s no wonder that so many people are paying attention to this game. I mean, making a movie based on it is almost a virtual certainty, isn’t it?
So with all this hype, you’re looking for a leading man. Hmm… Well, you need someone who’s got some star power, who can play the role convincingly, and who has some experience in a swashbuckling, action-filled Indiana Jones-esque world of intrigue, character, and character interaction. You’ve also got to get someone who is going to get people to fill the seats. You ask the fans, they give you a name. You ask that actor, he gives you an excited affirmative. And then…
…You cast someone who is the complete opposite.
Nathan Drake, the star of Uncharted, is a smiling, handsome, intelligent doofus who constantly finds himself in unbelievably dangerous and crazy situations, yet who is always ready with a little quip or joke to let you know that he’s not taking things too seriously, but can be counted on when the chips are down to do the right thing and to somehow come out on top while still having the last sarcastic word. Think Indiana Jones, or maybe John McClane. Think of Malcolm Reynolds – Captain of the Serenity.
The fans (me included) immediately had Nathan Fillion in mind for the role of Nathan Drake, an opinion that Fillion himself even encouraged, acknowledging that he was very eager for a chance at the part. As a game that sold over 1,000,000 copies in the first two weeks, you would think that fan-opinion would matter a little bit. Hmm… The people who are going to see this are very likely to be people who have played the game, and are interested in seeing it on the big screen. You would think that if a large majority of them agreed that Fillion would make a great Nathan Drake, the director David O. Russell would have at least given it some thought. Given Fillion a screen test. Something.
Instead, Russell decided that he’s going to change the storyline, and Mark Wahlberg is going to get the part. You know, the guy from such hit action classics as Invincible, The Departed, The Happening, or most recently, The Fighter. Without giving you my personal review of any of these films, I’ll tell you this – Mark Wahlberg usually plays the same role. He’s the straight-laced, even-humored fellow who has a hard time even offering a convincing smile. So with this kind of acting history, how does this role even match up at all?
It doesn’t. Not even a little bit.
I don’t claim to know everything, but I’ll tell you my opinion. Russell needed a 30-ish star who he can work with, with a recognizable name. And that’s as far as he’s thought through it. After I Heart Huckabees and the Fighter, he’s figured that Wahlberg can do the job. I don’t agree.
Basically, like so many video game franchises before it, Uncharted’s cinematic debut is destined to be mishandled, ill-understood, and ultimately discarded as an unfortunate cash in. And yet again, we gaming fans get to have our hopes dashed because of a filmmaker’s ignorance. But I guess until people start to see games as an actual storytelling tool instead of just as frivolous playthings, it’ll be difficult to expect anything more from “busy” directors than to simply skim over the game’s logline.
- K
a beautiful oblivion
Even as I sit here, typing on my keyboard, I realize that I should be getting to bed, not click-clacking away in front of the computer screen. But there’s just something compelling me right now. For some reason, I have this urge to write something out. It’s this need to be typing, to be creating. It’s as if the blank page here is an invitation that I just can’t ignore, and I must somehow fill it with something. I just can’t leave space white any longer.
This need is only compounded by the fact that I haven’t put anything up in a few weeks, even though I’ve checked the page several times, and often said out-loud to myself, “I should really put up a post.” It’s like my dust-gathering journal that I will often write in out of guilt, simply because I’d committed to myself to do it, wrote in it for a grand total of a couple days, and then placed it on the shelf with a number of other unfulfilled good intentions.
Another reason for this obtuse barrage of prose comes from the fact that I just finished a 12-hour day on a set that didn’t really need me. I mean, yeah, I did move a couple of things from here to there, but there was no challenge, there was no hustle, and there was no brainpower to my entire day. The most stimulation that I got out of today was the four cans of Dr. Pepper that I downed from craft services.
Honestly, standing around for 12-hours in the snow while having to move a shiny board a couple feet every half hour or so is anything but fulfilling, and I guess I just need some kind of outlet. While I’ve definitely worked some mind-numbing jobs in the past, I’ve never been on such a dull set before. It was just kind of absurd. And the problem is that I’m supposed to go to set again tomorrow, and I need to find some way to keep things interesting. Maybe I’ll bring a book or something, which is unbelievably taboo on most sets.
But geez, if they’re just having me do a free job for twelve hours that you could get any half-trained monkey to do, then I need something a little more interesting to dwell on.
And since I’m talking about life, why is it that my life seemed ready to pounce on me as soon as I got back from winter break? It was like everything was waiting for the moment that I returned to attack me all at once. I’ve got three shoots in the wings, my pilot jumping into production, my family needing help down south, on top of schoolwork that’s just starting up along with a broken heater that needs repairing and a mess of classes to go to that I would really rather just ignore.
Oh well. If I wasn’t able to juggle that kind of list on a daily basis, I just wouldn’t be me. My life is one that just demands constant organization, and I’ve just had to get used to that. So good to meet you, 2010. Welcome to my world. I’m going to kick your ass. Ha!
- K
wants and needs
You know, I remember once hearing my parents tell me that I needed to “go out of my comfort zone.” I needed to meet new people, try new things, and explore. While I’m not denying the wisdom in such a statement, I question the validity of revisiting those activities, those places, those experiences, after I’ve already decided that that’s not what I want to do.
I discovered, many moons ago, that I didn’t want to be a director. I love to write films, I love to work on films, and I’ve truly enjoyed all the opportunities and people that I’ve been able to meet as I’ve explored life making films. However, despite all of the curriculum of UVU trying to convert me, I have no desire to direct films.
Perhaps it’s something about the stigma that directors are where the filmmaking buck stops. If the film is a success, the director is a genius. If the film is a colossal failure, than again, it is the director’s fault. Which, of course, is discounting the hundreds of people who’s names appear on the ending credits, displaying exactly what each was responsible for during the making of the film. Instead, we hear things like “Ah, Spielberg must be losing his touch,” or “Nolan is a genius” or maybe “Bay just makes things blow up.”
And while it is true that directors determine much of the film, any good film will have many, many people working together to create it. It’s a collaborative art, one that requires the skills and talents of several individuals. But unfortunately, a lot of people who are near to the industry but not “in” it don’t seem to understand that.
When I tell people that I work as a grip, they have no idea what I’m talking about, and when I describe the job to them, they don’t seem very interested. (Which may actually bare truth to how boring I describe the career, but I’m willfully ignorant concerning that.) But whenever I would tell someone that I study film, invariably I would be asked if I was “gonna be the next Spielberg” or something like that. While I used to just laugh and shrug, now I find myself a little annoyed.
I don’t want to be the next Spielberg, Bay, Nolan, Columbus, Lucas, or anyone else. That’s not where my talent lies. I love to work with story, my craft is the written word. I enjoy acting, I enjoy getting down and getting my hands dirty in the trenches with the grips. I love to create the art of a scene, such as the real-looking faux press badges for a scene, or the file full of incriminating evidence. I would like to create a camera rig for a car, or figure out how to make a film-able car crash. I like the details that make things up, and I notice when something relatively small is out of place.
But there are no classes for such thing. There is no “Film Art Direction 101″ in my school. Instead, this “film program” is simply the study of writing for several semesters, a little bit of gripping, a little bit of camera work, and then a bunch of directing. I’m forced to direct films over and over, and I’m just so tired of it. I don’t need to do it anymore to realize that that isn’t the place where I need to be. I need to be behind the director, supporting him from out of the spotlight. He can count on me to get it done for him, and I don’t need to worry about the logistics of dealing with talent, acting as a producer, getting catering, and whatever else on top of actually directing the film.
This rant may seem a little nonsensical. After all, what aspiring filmmaker doesn’t want to be in the spotlight? Honestly, not me. For me, I try to pull people around me who can make up for my weaknesses, and I know that actually directing is one of those things. So director, you tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll have it done for you before you’re ready for it. But just don’t make me step out of that “comfort zone.” Because honestly, I’m sick and tired of being there.
- Karratti
a soul’s subtle rage
I’ve been having a weird sense lately that maybe I’m walking in the wrong direction. Not so much in that physical sense, but perhaps because there’s some things that I just can’t seem to get out of my mind. I feel like every step I take, I’m getting farther from where I’m meaning for myself to end up, and yet the whole experience is just so intangible that I don’t know how exactly to turn a 180°.
While I’m happy to be working on films regularly – The past three weekends have consisted of two paid jobs and a free favor, with another shoot scheduled for this weekend – I wonder if perhaps I should be more hesitant to give up my time so readily, especially in pursuits that aren’t necessarily going to do me any good. By which I mean, don’t really have a clear benefit to me, personally.
Even though movies are honestly a series of well-planned coincidences, I don’t think life works out quite that way. If it did, then I don’t think movies would be as popular as they are.
What’s been bothering me most lately, I guess, is the fact that I’ve been constantly working projects for other people who, while they absolutely appreciate my work, don’t seem all that interested in helping me further my own ambitions.
I work early-to-late long hours for people who have yet to show me the courtesy of giving me a copy of the finished project. I volunteer to help others, knowing that in doing so they aren’t going to be appreciative of the time and effort that I’m sacrificing for them for little or no compensation. And while I harbor a deep hope that someday it’s going to come around and something good is going to happen, my rational mind continually reminds me that I’m making movies, not living them, and there really isn’t some bit of deux ex machina coming in the next hour or so.
I am compelled to help them because I know, in my heart, that I am the one for the job. I am the worker in the shadows, the one behind the scenes. When I’m at work, I’m not looking for the spotlight, I’m looking to make sure that my job is done right, done fast, and done efficiently. I’ll do the job so well that you won’t even know it was done, and perhaps that’s part of the problem.
It’s a thankless profession, one that so many people don’t even know about, let alone understand. I tell my friends that I’m going to be working on a set, and instead of interest or understanding, all I get is a sense of disappointment that I’m not fitting in with their vision of the world. My family seems to feel that I’m wasting my time, not getting on with my life, stuck instead inside some bachelor’s limbo. Other “experienced” voices continue to call out, informing me that my ambitions are too high, my skill level is too low, and that I might as well just give up now, because there’s no way that I’m going to succeed.
Well you know what? Screw them all. I’m sick and tired of being passive, being dogged on, being ridiculed, being told I’ll never make it. There’s a blazing inferno burning inside of me, and I couldn’t care less what people are thinking anymore. I couldn’t care less what I’m “Post To” be doing. I’m supposed to settle down. I’m supposed to get a steady job. I’m supposed to enjoy holidays in a specific way, know the names of certain bands and celebrities. I’m supposed to be home watching football or baseball or basketball every other night, memorizing stats and especially knowing the histories and tendencies of a favorite team in each league. I’m supposed to not worry about the technical sides of things, because those aren’t important.
I’m supposed to allow people into my home, offer them my hospitality, and be understanding when they verbally spit in my face and walk away.
Damn it, I’m so tired of doing what I’m “supposed to” be doing!
I don’t want to do it anymore. There’s things that I’m constantly allowing to slip, and I’m so sick and tired of it all. I’m tired of allowing myself to stop striving for the greatness that I know is within my reach. I’m tired of listening to failed people tell me that it’s not worth trying. And I’m tired of trying to fit myself into someone else’s paradigm of what my life should be.
So for those of you reading this, wondering what this means, here it is. I’m done with the charade. I’m done with pandering others, allowing them to pull me down. I’m tired of being told that I’m somehow stupid simply because I look at the world from a different point of view, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to put up with people telling me what I should be doing, when they themselves aren’t doing anything with their lives.
I’m not going to listen to the garbage that people seem fit to barrage me with, because it’s doing nothing to help me. I’m not going to concern myself with whatever standard that anyone else sees fit to apply to the way that I work, or the way that I live my life. I’m taking back the controls, it’s time for me to drive.
- Karratti
Techno-Tourette's
I play video games. A lot. Quite possibly too much. I think my favorite ones are those that really challenge some thought and make you look at things in a different perspective. A game with a really powerful and engaging story, or with unbelievable gameplay, or the ability to really lose yourself into another “world” for a while really tend to catch my attention. For me, gaming is all about the experience. When friends are over, we play Rock Band, or Buzz, or even (surprisingly awesome) Little Big Planet. Those are games that I don’t often play by myself, simply because it’s about the experience with the friends that are over that make the games enjoyable. I truly wish there were more games like that, instead of just leaving multiplayer to online-exclusives.
For my own solo experiences, though, it’s a different kind of experience. I gauge the quality of a game based on how hard it is for me to put it down. But also by how easily it is for me to go crazy over something that looks to be beyond my control, in which I can perceive a gaming flaw. In NCAA Football, it’s when I’ve got a defensve line of rock-solids and the halfback is able to run right through them because of the animations that force my guys just slightly to the wrong areas. In NBA Live, it’s when I get forced out-of-bounds by an animation, or get locked onto the offensive player against my will. Blitz: The League, when the computer has my guys slipping all over the field while the opposing team is playing like the Niners in the Joe Montana era. In Grand Theft Auto, when I have to wait an hour to kill the guy I’ve been chasing, even though I’ve been able to make the shot the entire time. In fighting games, its when the computer can do a million moves flawlessly while any normal person would make at least a couple mistakes, especially when some of those moves are physically impossible to duplicate (the Guile Sonic-Boom to Flash Kick comes to mind from my nostalgic days of SNES gaming.) It’s in Call of Duty when a grenade lands next to me, but the indicator fails to tell me until the nano-second before it blows up, killing me. (But that one could be that I’m no the greatest FPS player in the world. <grin>) In racing games, it’s when you manage to get ahead by a lap and the rubber-band AI always brings the competitor into supersonic speeds to keep the race “competitive.” These kinds of things seem to happen all the time.
Each time something like that happens, I tend to suffer from a strange malady that I’ve termed “Techno-Tourette’s Syndrome”, or TTS. Now, while this follows more the pop-culture definition of Tourette’s, namely, that it follows more closely to Coprolalia, all I know is that these particular situations make me want to spout such a string of profanities that even a muleskinner would hang his head in shame. I get angry, frustrated, and don’t want to play anymore. The reason? Because it feels like there’s nothing that I can do about it.
I used to train in boxing, once upon a time. When I went sparring, our intention wasn’t to hurt each other, but when something came up, we took care of it in the ring. We played by the rules, and then left it there. You spent yourself in that ring. The only one that you had to worry about failing was you, because as long as the other guy played by the rules, you knew that it was an even match.
I used to swim for my high school team. All that mattered was who got to the finish line first. Everything was on you to push yourself, because the guy next to you was going to do the same thing.
In any competitive sport that I’ve played, you play by the rules, and if you then lose, well you knew that you put everything in there that you could, so that was it. There was no wondering if the other team cheated, because there was a ref, or at least the players would notice. Cheating was not allowed.
But while playing video games, there is no ref. All there is is the gamer’s perception, and more often than not gamers notice a lot more than developers seem to want to give them credit for. We notice when there is an invisible “line” that we have to cross in order for all the bad guys to appear. We notice when the monsters just appear out of nowhere in an endless supply. We notice when you change the rules on us, or only apply rules to us, and no one else in the game. And things like that don’t make us happy. Instead, it gives us TTS.
I don’t know the answer, but I suspect that it relates to the fact that I don’t like it to feel like I’m being cheated, and there’s no one to take the slack when I feel that way in a video game. If I’m playing a board game, and I realize that the person next to me is cheating, then I call them out, and they get to live with those consequences. In sports, the ref metes them out. But in video games, I hand over 50+ dollars to play a game, only to have it cheat, and I have nothing I can do at it but swear at the screen for ten minutes straight, frustrated out of my mind.
Such is why I installed a pull-up bar just around the corner. When I get frustrated, I walk away a little, do some pull-ups to force the anger out of my system, and cool off.
But it makes me angry with just the fact that I have to do that at all when playing a @!$@*# #&%!*@& game.
- Kyle
Seeing Past Your Own "I's"
I have a habit of wanting to write, not only when I hear about something interesting, but when I’m angry. Whether I’m angry about life, or just angry about anything, I have this hankering to write something because I just want to get it out of my system. Out of my head, and onto the page, so that whatever it is can be just put to rest, and I don’t really have to think about it anymore. (Though, of course, as any writer knows, that is simply an ideal that never seems to happen.)
When this post was about to be put up, at the time I was in a particularly bad mood. I’d been short-changed by people who I had considered as friends, whom I had taken specific time and effort to do a favor for, and so I was in a rather… “grumpy” mood. I had a friend with me, also in the same boat as I with regards to the situation, who can attest to how thoroughly pissed off I was.
Though I’ve since calmed down and allowed that situation simply to become diluted in my memory, (aside from the occasional inside joke between the aforementioned friend and I), it set my mind off on a course as I thought about how it truly seems to be applying to everyone around me, more and more. It seems as though people have forgotten about who it means to be part of communities, part of friendships, or even part of the human race with regards to their fellow man.
Selfishness seems to be the common course of action, and everything seems to be about getting ahead in whatever way you seem necessary. Manners and forethought for others are virtually a thing of the past, and I don’t think that most people notice it. And this mindset of every-man-for-himself is so common, that when you don’t fit that mold, you’re thought of as strange, odd, and are even shunned slightly for your actions.
When you hold the door for someone as you’re about to walk in, they hesitate, unsure of what you want them to do. When you pause to allow someone into the street who had been waiting for twenty minutes for a clear, everyone behind you starts to blare their horn, wrathfully mourning the precious four seconds that might have been better spent speeding down the two-lane street.
However, if this were limited only to strangers, it would be completely different. I know people who I used to consider friends who have taken this same approach. They don’t look at the world from the perspective of how actions might impact others, nor do they attempt to perceive how their actions might impact another, but instead only live to see what they can gain.
Instead of a worldview, they only see through their own “I’s”, and it bothers me a great deal. How can you really live like that? It sickens me that the common ideal is to simply care only for oneself, and never worry about how the things you do might impact someone else.
Myself, I’m a fiercely loyal person. I not only welcome the opportunity to help others, but I expect them. I look for ways to help my friends. Anyone who has ever been to my home knows that they are welcome, that there are drinks in the fridge, and that there are spare beds in case they need somewhere to stay for the night, or even several. They know that if there is anything that I can do to help them, I’ll be there as soon as I can, even if I have to rearrange my schedule to be there.
Though there have been times where this kind of an attitude have caused me to be taken advantage of, I still feel that it is the only way that I can morally live my life. I was raised by my parents to serve, and to serve always. I look out for myself, and I use my judgment, but when the chips are down, I work to be sure that my friends know they can always count on me.
I suppose that’s why it bothers me so much when others, especially those to whom I’ve shown such loyalty, don’t care enough to show me the same courtesies. I take that kind of neglect personally, and it truly bothers me more than just about anything else. If I care to keep you in my consideration, I would expect you to keep me in yours. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.
I guess my point is this, to those of you who are still reading: Who are you looking out for? Is it only for yourself? Can your friends count on you, or are you always scrambling because people can’t depend on you?
Stop just looking through the lens of your own “I’s”, and try taking a glance through someone else’s.
- K
Our Facination with the Stars
I don’t usually watch a lot of television. To be honest, I could care less about the latest shows, or about this or that “must-see” sitcom or series. For me, I wait till it comes out on DVD and then decide whether I’m going to buy the whole series and watch it. (Or, perhaps, just borrow it from a buddy who happens to have it.)
In any case, I’ve noticed more and more attention being diverted to the stars. Now, I’m not talking about the wonderous sparkles that adorn our clear night skies, I’m talking about the well-paid self-promoting trendsetters that we daily go to great lengths to keep track of.
I was watching the news this morning as I was getting ready to work out, and I noticed a short commercial for TMZ that ran with same tagline about one of the Hollywood elite being pregnant, and the possibility of her getting back with her ex-boyfriend. I paused for a second and watched, not because I was interesting, but more stuck in the moment over the sheer shock of witnessing such a benign and inane announcement.
I stood there for a second, in awe of how simply ridiculous our culture has become. Immediately as the commercial ended, I said aloud, “So what? Do people actually care about this garbage?” Apparently so. We as a middle-class culture, afraid of actually putting ourselves out there to be judged and measured, feel secure in our living rooms, watching others live out the fantasies that we might not even admit to ourselves.
We worship American Idol, whet our appetite with Hell’s Kitchen, and become absolutely Lost within the far reaches of some unknown island. It’s like we’ve come to fear the real world. We look for “reality” to be delivered to us through our televisions, instead of going out and learning and doing and living our own lives!
In ancient times, our ancestors looked to the stars, I’m sure, as we do, fascinated with the wonders that wait for us beyond the far reaches of our understanding. But they tried, they did, and they continued to learn and grow. But we, instead, are far more interested with what is or isn’t happening to Paris, or Brittney, or Jessica. We worry about Tom, Brad, or Angelina, as if it really had any bearing on our lives! The target may have changed, but our culture seems to worship the stars just the same.
And it’s a shame, really, that behind the masks and whatever, they’re really just normal people like everyone else. Me, I plan on going up, and shooting for the sky.
- Kyle
Not The Class I Signed Up For
Last semester, I took a class that was supposed to cover an intermediate level of digital media programs and skills, including Photoshop, Powerpoint, Flash, and video editing. I had taken the beginner class already, and sort of breezed through it, mostly because I already knew most of the subjects that were presented.
Anyway, when I went into this new class, from the same teacher as before, it wasn’t anything that I had been told. Instead of actually learning skills, we were instead given a first-class education in stress management. Instead of actually being instructed with skills that we might utilize in the workforce, the class became a stand-off between the students and the teacher. The class was set-up as a “business”, with the teacher as the “client”, and our random groups as companies vying for the contract, which was actually our grade.
The problem I had with that is that it caused competition among a class that could have very well been a united group. We were competing with one another for the grades, so we wouldn’t share information or ideas with one another, because those ideas might be “stolen” from us. Therefore, we weren’t able to utilize the vast amount of fresh and untapped talent within every member of the class, all in an effort to “teach” us about the digital business world.
I’m sorry, but that’s just plain shallow teaching. Not just bad teaching, but unbelievable teaching. I’ll say right now that the only thing I actually learned is that there’s no way in hell that I’m ever going to run my business like that. Yes, there are business secrets, and you don’t go blabbing to the world, but you don’t create an atmosphere where you’re afraid to share with your co-workers.
So for all of you teachers out there. Create an atmosphere of cooperation. There’s enough stress and problems in the world that we don’t need teachers breeding discord in a classroom in a useless effort to prove some inane point. We get enough of that out in the workplace.
- Kyle
A Barking Dog's Insight
A couple of weeks ago, I was walking down the street on the way home from the bus stop. It was cold, I was tired from working all day, and I just wanted to go home and eat dinner. As I was meandering alongside a wooden fence, suddenly there was a rush, and a crash, and this dog slammed into the fence as hard as it could, barking furiously at me. I’m not normally a jumpy guy, but considering that the dog and I were seperated by just an inch of boards, I was understandably reactive.
After checking my heartbeat, and making sure that I was still going to be breathing for a little while, I decided to see what had scared me out of my wits, and peered through the slits. It was a little dog, one of those yapping mongrels that barely qualifies past “rodent” on the food chain. I cursed the dog quietly, and went on my way. But this was a pretty long fence, and the dog just kept getting louder and more annoying. I tried to ignore it, but the thing wouldn’t shut up. Finally, I’d had enough of it.
“Shut up!” I bellowed. “The only reason you’re barking is ’cause you’re on the other side of the fence!”
At this moment, I paused, and kind of realized kind of the principle that I’d inadvertantly stated. It just kind of hit me.
It’s really easy for us to sit safely in our homes, or in a classroom, and criticize or derail those outside. It’s easy to make fun of another, to question another’s actions, especially because we’re not there in the trenches alongside them. It’s easy to be an armchair quarterback, ridiculing the players on the screen for not being able to catch that “easy pass.” It’s because there’s a barrier, or a fence, between us and the situation.
How many times have we criticized another behind their back, because we were safe by the water cooler? How many times have we complained about the government, and their apparent lack of intelligence or ability? How many times have we complained to others about a teacher, a manager, or some other authority? That dog would have quieted immediately and ran had that fence suddenly disappeared. After seeing me, and realizing that I was just a wee bit larger than he, the mutt would have realized his mistake. That, or he would have gotten a swift kick in the backside.
But I think we can learn from this principle. Stop barking from behind the fence. It doesn’t help, it’s intensely annoying, and it only shows an immense lack of backbone and fortitude. If you got a problem, then take it up with the person that you have a problem with. You don’t like the government, write to them, and let them know. You got a personal axe to grind? Then go and grind it, and get it over with, because I’m tired of hearing about people who complain and complain about things in life that they don’t have any ambition to change. Either do something about it, or just shut up.
Otherwise, stay quiet on your side of the fence.
- Kyle
Online Petitions and Boycotts
Every so often I get little invites on Facebook or in my email inbox to join this or that petition. “Boycott buying gas on this day!” or “Stop this Presidential Nominee” or “Join the fight against Rabies!”
To me, this kind of stuff is just plain nonsense. What possible use could some random online petition have? There’s so many ways to manipulate online information that it would be extremely and unreasonably difficult, if not impossible to verify every name on an online petition. And in all honesty, what would then be done?
It’s my personal belief that these types of groups are nothing but a waste of time, and are only sent on by those who want to do something but aren’t strong enough to stand up and do it in real life, so they waste time and brainpower on these useless pursuits.
If you really want to go save the whales, join a registered and legitimate organization to do so. There are plenty to choose from. If you think that a candidate shouldn’t get the office, then vote against them, and encourage others to do so. If you think that gas prices are too high, then get up, and write to the offices, not to your buddies in an online chat room.
The things that I say online are a direct reflection of my personal feelings on an issue, and I’ve stated them as such. You’re free to hold me to them, because that’s what they’re there for. Here, I try not to have a personal crusade against anything except for boredom and possibly silliness, but otherwise I try to just post up my opinions.
But I’ll never join any online political or agenda-based groups, simply because I know they don’t work.
But then again, maybe I’ll sign a “Down with Online Petitions” petition. At least that’s something that I believe in.
- Kyle
Why Critics Don't Make Movies
“In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new.
Last night, I experienced something new, an extraordinary meal from a singularly unexpected source. To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged my preconceptions is a gross understatement. They have rocked me to my core. In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau’s famous motto: Anyone can cook. But I realize that only now do I truly understand what he meant. Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere. It is difficult to imagine more humble origins than those of the genius now cooking at Gusteau’s, who is, in this critic’s opinion, nothing less than the finest chef in France. I will be returning to Gusteau’s soon, hungry for more.”
- Anton Ego, Ratatouille
I tried and tried to come up with exactly what I wanted to say here, but I think that this quote from Brad Bird’s masterpiece more than tells the tale.
Critics are often able to be harsh on their judgements. They don’t have to risk hardly anything, because they can say their piece, and are lauded as brilliant, when in fact they usually don’t have to do much. Now, even in saying this, I know I’m largely being hypocritical, because I review and critique things all the time.
But I feel that, especially when it comes to film critics, they largely base their own critiques on just their own opinions, as opposed to the quality of a film. A critique should be based on fact, not opinion.
“Now wait a minute, Kyle,” you say. “Critiques are opinions.” That’s not entirely true, or at least, it shouldn’t be.
Any film can be analyzed through the use of techniques that aren’t necessarily based on opinions. Every story, be it about a single mother, the rogue hero, or two young lovers, or an older man finding his way home – they all have certain things that qualify them as full, complete, and usable stories.
I once took a class on text analysis, with this specific goal mind – the analyzation of scripts and text. This class helped me immensely, because instead of simply saying that “I didn’t like” a movie, I could finally tell you why the movie didn’t “work” or even why it did.
My personal belief is that critics don’t make movies because they wouldn’t know how if they tried. There may be exceptions, but I would bet money that the average critic couldn’t tell you anything about story analysis. But you don’t need to take my word for it. Read a gamut of reviews of a certain movie, and take note of how many things are all about opinions.
“The acting was dull,” they say, or “I just wasn’t convinced.” It’s always about opinion.
From now on, I’m going to do my best to avoid, or at least, identify the opinions in my reviews and critiques. Please, help me out. I’ll still provide my opinions on movies and ideas, but I’ll also try to support it with actual analysis. If it all works out, then the critiques will be more informative.
But then again, I guess that’s just my opinion.
- Kyle
The Turn Signal
Just a little FYI right of the bat, but this is completely a rant.
Alright, was there some kind of new law passed that I’m not aware of? Where it says that using your turn signal is a completely optional act, alongside stopping at stop signs and the speed limit? I drive on the freeway every day, and every day there’s some moron who thinks that the world revolves around him, and therefore, he doesn’t need to let people know that he’s merging into your lane.
Just today, in fact, on the way to work, I was going along, stumming my fingers on my steering wheel as I was listening to Huey Lewis, and this woman in a minivan decides that she wants to get into my lane. She doesn’t check her rear-view mirror, and she doesn’t signal. She just starts to move over. I have to slam on my brakes to avoid an accident, and she doesn’t even notice that she almost ran me off the road!
But what am I supposed to do? Pull out a pistol and shoot out a tire? Yeah, that’ll be the day. But really! I mean, I can speed around her and cut her off, but what good is that going to do? She doesn’t even know what she just did!
I think there should be a minimum IQ requirement for anyone wishing to drive a vehicle. A multiple-choice driving exam, and then a common sense exam. Anyone can pass the driving exam. I’ve seen some of the worst drivers in the world brandishing a license, but they don’t watch the road, instead they’re talking on cell phones or putting on make-up, or who knows what else.
I live in this fast-paced world. I get it. There are times when you’ve got to be able to do more than one thing at a time. But every time that I get cut off, or get stuck behind a driver going fifteen under the limit, I speed around them and notice that they’re usually either talking on a phone, or eating, or doing something that’s taking their mind off of their driving.
Idiots. We live in a world of idiots, my friends. I guess we just have to learn to cope.
- Kyle
California's New Gender Law
EDITED – 8 November 2007
Because of overwhelming response and insufficient research, I’ve decided to take this post off the web-log. I didn’t start this blog to make people angry, and I’m sorry if I might have.. I’ll seek to avoid such hot topics in the future, or at least making uninformed opinions on them. (I think I’ll probably stick to just movie reviews. I don’t seem to get as much of a negative response even when others disagree. <grin>)
- Kyle
News sources:
The Actual Bill – Now a dead link. The Senate site is so complicated, that after several attempts, I’ve given up on finding it.
College Parking, and the Price of School
Here’s a scenario for you: You’re a school with over 23,000 undergraduates. Your terrain is not quite ideal for parking, and you don’t have the best parking spaces anyway. You’re already charging admission costs, and tuition, and you only provide scholarships to high school students. How can you make more money? Well, you can charge $80 for a yearly parking pass.
To me, it seems kind of ridiculous to have to pay for a parking pass for a college that I’m already paying tuition to attend. While eighty dollars for a year-long pass may not seem like a whole lot, it’s still annoying that you actually have to pay for it. Why can’t we just subsidise it into the tuition payment?
Oi. It’s just something that’s been bothering me. I mean honestly, who else is going to park at a college? Just students, right? Therefore, why do we have to have parking passes? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Alright, now I’m out of steam. I’m done.
- Kyle
Rant Against Nextel's Text Messaging
This is gonna be a short one, but it merits mentioning just the same. Man, I hate the Nextel text messaging service! It’s like they’ve come up with the worst possible way to send texts, or are just too stubborn to get on track with the rest of the world.
When I was living abroad for a couple years, I was with a small cell phone company whose name I can’t even remember. But the texts worked fast, easily, and the T9 system was pretty much like a left hand to me. It was truly INSTANT messaging. But Nextel, no, they can’t use a phone line. Instead, they run all your messages through a web system, which sometimes works, but usually offers a huge delay between texts, which results in conversations that don’t quite make sense, and in some messages that end up arriving at their destination a day, or two, or even three after you sent it! I could have mailed a letter in that kind of time!
In any case, it’s just really annoying. I just wanted to share that with the world.
- Kyle
The Loss of Pick-Up Sports
About every wednesday, a group of us guys get together to play some basketball down at one of the churches in our area. I know that’s not really so unusual, and I really enjoy myself down there. (Even if I do get a little intense sometimes – I’ve been nicknamed everything from “The Train” to “The Brick Wall.” Thick skin, you understand…)
In any case, it occured to me that while organized games occur pretty frequently in the area where I live, (It’s mostly a large college town), there aren’t as many opportunities to just find a group of people already playing and just hop in. Does this make sense to anyone else?
Maybe I could give an example. I spent some time a year and a half ago in Hong Kong, which was quite an interesting experience, let me tell you. But one of the things that seemed most unique to me was the presence of numerous parks and sports parks all throughout the city. There were concrete soccer pitches, turf fields, as well as a large number of basketball courts. Just about every night of the week, you could find ten-fifteen kids out on the courts, shooting hoops or waiting in line for their team’s chance at taking the winner’s court.
Now, when I arrived home, I’ve often looked for pick-up games of… well, anything. They just don’t exist. There’s no one out playing basketball outside. There’s no spontaneous football games. The only way that you get to play is if you join one of the intermurals teams, and I simply just don’t have the time for that.
I’ll tell you right now that I love to play sports. Be it football, basketball, raquetball, or even my personal favorite, Ultimate frisbee, I just love to be out there, pushing myself, leaping for the catch, charging through the line, or trying my darndest to put together a give-n-go.
I just wish that there were ways that you could play without having to organize it all, and justify it to everyone by saying that it was “good exercise.” Why is it that growing up has to equate to such dullness?
- Kyle
